Alex Petrosian
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Alex Petrosian  Alex thinking he's the shit after banging local slut Dearbhla Dillon instead of going to leaving cert grinds.
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Petrosian is a leaving certificate drop out from Carrigstown, Ireland. Having failed all of his exams, Petrosian now spends his time uploading beats to his YouTube channel with 17 followers and having his dinner cooked for him by his mother. A self-proclaimed sound engineer, Alex is unemployed and leeches off his mother; the perpetually stressed Melanie Petrosian. He works in Brewzers, a café belonging to the submissive homophile Cristiano San Martin. Alex spends most of his time bickering about failing his mocks and taking additional responsibilities in Brewzers which he is in no way capable of performing. Despite his inadequacies for the job, Alex is paid at least double every other employee, courtesy of a minority payment plan made available to him as a result of the Carrigstown Agenda.
In early 2020, several Whatsapp messages were circulated purporting to show Alex engaged in a lewd sex act with local mature student Dearbhla Dillon. The Sun was due to release a damning account of the pairs illegal encounter until an intervention from Bob Charles, acting on behalf of the Carrigstown Agenda, saw the entire case quashed by law enforcement and an injunction imposed from any further reporting of the story.
Alex once noted that he aspired to be like fertile super-bachelor Tommy Dillon one day. Upon discovering that Tommy had been on a holiday to Yerevan in Armenia when he was a teenager, Alex began to claim Tommy as his father. Eventually Alex discovered that his real father was another deadbeat want-to-be musician, much like himself.
Prospects[edit | edit source]
Alex claims he would like to be a sound engineer, as well as a musician or DJ, despite playing absolutely no musical instrument or demonstrating any musical abilities. Ultimately, Alex is no more than a dole merchant who lives off minority allowances from the Carrigstown Agenda.