Doug Ferguson
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Doug Ferguson Doug's first kiss with Erica Allen.
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Doug Ferguson is a greasy cretin from Carrigstown, Ireland. Locals have used a number of terms to describe Doug, such as waster, clown, nuisance and imbecile. Despite this, Doug actually believes that he is held within high regard in his community. Doug's father Pete Ferguson exists to mock his very existence and takes pleasure in his son's failure.
Unlike his father, a well respected businessman, Doug has been primed by many as a Wayne Molloy for the younger generation since his character serves only to be humiliated on a regular basis. Doug is usually at the butt of every joke and any of his romantic conquests are ultimately doomed.
Love Interests[edit | edit source]
Doug lost his virginity in February 2020 when he cucked his friend Darragh Collins and stole his fiancé, Erica Allen. The pair ended up performing sexual acts on one another in Darragh's bed while Doug sported his socks. They reassured him that they felt guilty the entire time while doing so.
Doug was inevitably cucked himself when Erica bumped into her ex-boyfriend Rugby Union scrum-half Philip O'Connor at her hen party and slept with him. The encounter seemingly brought Erica back to reality and realizing that she was about to marry the greasy town fool, she decided to run away with Philip. Her farewell letter to Doug was discovered and came into the possession of Pete Ferguson who smuggly presented it to Doug telling him good things don't happen to wasters like you. Erica subsequently realized that Philip was just looking for easy punash and upon realizing that she no longer had a male safety net in her life, came running back to Doug. To absolutely everybody's surprise, Doug showed a tiny nugget of self respect and turned her down. He has regretted his decision every day since as he spends his afternoons in bed reading Ray's dirty old magazines.
Career[edit | edit source]
Doug works alongside local dogging enthusiast Ray O'Connell, in the local garage as a mechanic. Despite achieving a total of 113 points in the leaving cert, Doug managed to secure himself an apprenticeship. Much of Ray's work hours is spent correcting Doug's mistakes which include fitting incorrect tyres, breaking vehicle electronics and attempting an oil change on an electric vehicle.
As part of Wayne Molloy's attempts to bring the garage up to modern work practices, the pair were given an office pet in the form of a goldfish to look after. This was straight from a book Wayne read about building up employee confidence and cooperation by working together towards a common goal. The goldfish sadly died three weeks after when Ray was going to town on Nora Keogh inside of one of the cars and Nora's bra strap cracked the glass. Doug was notably furious because there was plenty of time to still save the goldfish but Ray had to finish. The fish was given a dignified burial the next morning in Dolores Molloy's garden.
Doug has been involved in a number of car crashes with a popular table quiz question in Carrigstown being How many car crashes has local mechanic Doug Ferguson been involved in? The answer is 14. A festive edition of the McCoy's Pub table quiz organized by Pete including a follow-up question And how many were Doug's fault. The answer to this was also 14.
Fashion[edit | edit source]
Doug is known locally for his unique lack of care for his own appearance. He is regularly turned away from local establishments for wearing his greasy work uniform. Furthermore, he is renowned for his hair style. Doug goes to the barbers every wednesday morning and asks for a numba one all ovah da top. Dean Dowling describes this as a "convenience cut".
Drug Use[edit | edit source]
Doug was one of the first members of Carrigstown's new generation to smoke marijuana. As a teenager, Doug was feared by some locals who suspected he might grow up to be like Decco or Zumo Bishop. It wasn't until he reached adulthood that it became clear what cloth Doug was cut from. Dolores Molloy maintains that Doug's stupidity is down to his early marijuana use as this fits her narrative. However, this claim is unsubstantiated and it was pointed out that when Doug was 13 years old, long before he ever smoked weed, he fully believed that the moon was made of cheese — a belief he still holds today.